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A Brief History Of The Skateboarder
:: Amazing feats of skateboard history, Biblical Tales of the
Skatepope Brewce Martin, and more!
50,000,000 BCE. - The first swamp troggs
emerge out of the ocean.
5,000 BCE. - Egyptian Punks perform the first Acid
Drop off the Pyramids.
1,200 BCE. - Greek Skateboarders invent Greek Fire
to ignite rings of fire to ollie through.
1492 CE. - Skateboarders were kicked off Columbus's
Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria from using the ship's hall for ramp construction.
1965 CE. - Brewce Martin fought his way out of his
mother's womb with a dagger in his mouth and a map of Europe.
1967-1969ish CE. - Brewce Martin sees Star Trek and
imagines another world for skateboarders. Also, he starts to immitate James T. Kirk.
1974 CE. - Brewce Martin's first time skateboarding
on a borrowed board. After which many attempts of home made stump boards were made.
1977 CE. - Brewce Martin won his first
skateboard from the Parkersburg Newspaper. Using his superior engineering skills, he began
building the original Skatopia in his basement with closet doors, particle board,
linoleum, and other odds and ends.
1978 CE. - Brewce gets his first wooden skateboard,
a Logan Earth Ski, which is recovered in 1990 at a garage sale and begins the skateboard
museum.
1979 CE. - Brewce's first outdoor quarter pipe was
constructed. It was 4 feet wide, 8 feet tall. In another feat of sheer will, young Martin
jumps 11 trashcans approximately 2 feet in diameter each.
1980 CE. - Brewce moved to the country for such
refineries as clean air, fine women, clear moonshine, and home brew beer... And to escape
the justice system.
1980-1988 CE. - 2nd Phase of Skatopia: 1 Quarter
Pipe, 2 Half Pipes, hundreds of kegs, and numerous inane parties at mom's house!
1988 CE. - Brewce traded in the quiet life when he
moved to Florida. His dreams of Skatopia were forgotten for Hot chicks, High Profile
Skateboarding, and Designer drugs.
1993 CE. - Kicked out of Florida. Fuck them.
Moved to West Virginia to start Phase three of Skatopia. What happened in the next 2
years, only a few know about and no one is telling.
1995 CE. :: Oct. 20th - Evicted from West Virginia
for being too cool in a non-cool environment. Fuck them too.
:: Oct. 27th - Mass skateboard exodus from
West Virginia, (Skatopia's Phase 3) led by the Skatepope Brewce Martin.
:: Nov. 1st - Viewed land where Skatopia
currently resides.
:: Nov. 17th - Bought Skatopia a former
potfarm and poverty ridden cattle farm.
1996 CE. :: June 1st -
Epcot Bean Completed. First Bowl Bash complete with sorority girls, mud, and Pabst Blue
Ribbon. This officially kicks off the final phase of the Skatopia dream that every child
has.
1997 CE. - Began reconstruction of the King Dong
Ramp. Began clearing the land and planting the path of the future skateboard monument and
parties. JFA plays Bowl Bash 2 and Jodi Foster shows up.
1998 CE. - King Dong Ramp completed. Word
spreads Skatopia is the place to go and the cops go there.
1999 CE. - Many expansions in the Barn for stages,
and areas for bands, parking areas expanded. More and more bands sign up for play time.
Brewce's reputation for being the Skatepope grows.
2000 CE. - Real TV comes to Skatopia. The dawning of
the corporate caveman begins. He unfurls his reign of terror throughout the televised
world. Soon after BAM becomes a super hero and the corporate caveman becomes hidden among
the BAM posters, preholed condoms, and other branded items.
2001 CE. - Bowl bash 6 brings huge media coverage.
Thrusting Skatopia into the lime light as skateboading's mecca. The indoor bowl was
covered with skatelight and more expansions are done around the barn.
2002 CE. - The full pipe is complete for Bowl Bash 7
- The Skatopia Jihad is officially launched. As the goals of the jihad are met one by one,
skaters around the world rejoice and flock to skatopia for pilgrimage.
2003 CE. :: June
- Bowl Bash 8, witnesses the unfurling of the indoor concrete kidney bowl. With a natural
spring running through it that makes a better bath tub than a pool. However, recent
improvements have made the pool skatable on a more regular basis.
2004 CE. :: Feburary -
Viva La Bam comes to Skatopia which reverberates through the grinding hips of every female
that comes to Skatopia for the next 10 years.
:: Summer - Lula bowl is completed. Thus
begining the 1 mile snake run that will end at Brewce's bedroom.
:: October - Activision includes Skatopia as
a level on the THUG2 video game which reverberates through the tiddling fingers and thumbs
of every child that comes to skatopia for the next 10 years.
2005 CE. :: Spring - Skatopia starts the Hillbilly
Dream Tour leaving patches of scorched earth across the USA.
:: Summer - Bowl Bash X celebrating ten
years of anarchy & The Tennessee Beast wins the striptease contest.
:: Fall - Skatopia launches its own shoeline
under Draven Shoes. |
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